Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
