you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
