nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
