Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
