This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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