I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
