i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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