i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
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