She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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