Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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