I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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