Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
