where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
