He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
