i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Randomize
