You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Randomize
