New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
