I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Randomize
