You can't special order awesome
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
