I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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