Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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