I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
