question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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