Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
This girl is more easily done than said...
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
