I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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