All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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