Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
