And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
