My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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