hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
