Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
