If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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