I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Boobs are out for the taking
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
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