Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
