I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
