I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
