Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
