Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
