you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Randomize
