we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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