it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
