you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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