I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
