if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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