woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
