Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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