Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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