you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Randomize
