Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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