just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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