I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
